Yesterday my business partner and I had the awesome opportunity to speak at West Chester University. We had so much fun that the professor invited us to stay for her second class. In both classes the message I hoped to convey was that just because someone has a disability doesn’t imply, well, really anything. Everyone, disabled or not, has different limitations, and people should not make assumptions; and, more importantly, shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions! The teacher started the discussion by prompting me with a few questions, and then several of the students came up to the front of the class and sat in the “hot seat” to ask me questions. All of the questions were great, but one in particular stood out to me: what does living independently mean to you? 

This question struck a chord with me because I can completely understand how people could perceive my living situation to not be independent. I rely on people for a shit ton of things. Someone other than myself, usually my aide, bathes me, dresses me, and feeds me. She helps keep my apartment as clean as I want (usually going above and beyond what this bachelor requests). Sometimes she even tells me when I need a haircut. It’s not difficult for me to understand how people might think I’m not independent when I depend on others for so much. 

In my eyes, though, needs, or lack thereof, do not determine independence. Everyone has needs. The last girl I dated needed to talk on the phone for four hours every day; she has needs. My best friend can’t iron a shirt to save his life; he has needs. We all have needs. Granted, I have more life-dependent needs than most, as in feeding or being turned in my sleep, but everyone’s “independence” has limits. Take away the grocery store, or the local pizza shop, and I would bet most people reading this blog would have a hard time hunting and catching their dinner tonight. Just because my limitations may not be conventional, doesn’t mean that I am dependent.  

What I consider living independently is having choices. Thankfully I get to choose where I live. I get to choose which apartment I live in. Sure, my apartment had to fit my price range, like anyone else— but I still had choices. I choose what, when, and where I eat. If I want cheesesteak egg rolls and BBQ chicken quesadillas from Continental, my favorite restaurant, at 10PM on a Tuesday, I can do it. My friend, date, or aide may feed it to me, but I get to choose who I’m around. And why I love people so much is because they also choose to be around me. That’s what makes all of the relationships in my life, or anyone’s life so special. As a human race we all help to fill one another’s needs, whether it is being fed dinner or ranting about a workday to a lended ear. If we are all willing, and fortunate, we get the chance to depend on one another to live independently.